Life Phrases

Lately, simple, everyday phrases people use have become more and more annoying to me for some reason. I don't know why, but it's to the point where if I hear it, a part of me laughs and dies at the same time. Yes, I know, they may have deeper meanings, or spiritual whatever to you, this is just my thoughts on them. So, here's my list of 10 phrases that you should think about never using in your life again.

1. "It is what it is."
This is number one for a reason. This phrase helps stupid people try and reason with something. Well, yeah. I guess. It is...what it...is? Because "it" is, what "it"...is. Everything is what it is. That's why it is!!! You might as well say a midget is a midget, because that's what it is. So there's a new phrase for you...instead of saying "it is what it is," just say "well, a midget is a midget."

2. "Everything happens for a reason."
Really? Please, tell me what the reason is for me being diagnosed with a rare form of polio in 2012.

3. "No offense, but..."
I'm pretty sure you mean to offend me here with whatever you are going to finish with..but because you said "no offense" before you said what you meant to offend me with, don't worry, no offense will be taken. Oh and by the way...no offense, you're a douche bag.

4. "Some of the best things in life are free."
Except if you need money to buy the things you probably really want. Last time I checked, Jack's Self Rising pizza and my iPhone were not free.

5. "How random was that?!"
Very random obviously, that's why you said something that should have never been said.

6. "If somebody would've told me XX years ago that I'd be YYY now, I would've never believed them."
Why, because they were possibly from the future, and/or driving a Delorean? Never believe anyone who claims they are from the future unless they have a hoverboard, an orange vest, and a Grey's Sports Almanac.

7. "Go hard or go home."
Thank you caveman. This dumb phrase is on the edge of being sexually dirty. Think about it. Boner.

8. "Better to give than receive."
I'd rather give you this million dollars I just found then keep it for myself. (Another analogy would be to think about conalingus, but I'll take the high road here, you pervert)

9. "Do what you gotta do."
Thank you. Now I guess I know what needs to be done with your solid advice.

10. "Strangers are just friends waiting to happen."
A stranger also might be someone who is trying to rape you. But hey, "it is what it is" right?